Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
