What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
