:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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