I've blown a few things in my day
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
