I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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