the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
