She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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