listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
