my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
