Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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