Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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