I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize