OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
