When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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