my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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