He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
