The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize