I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
