She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
and you fell through a lawn chair
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
