he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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