You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
