I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
