Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
