I showed him my bush... on skype.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
