I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
