I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
