really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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