you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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