i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
