So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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