he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
