My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
