If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
