The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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