It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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