Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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