Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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