He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
