We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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