I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
