Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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