STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
