my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my sisters under your porch take her home
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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