Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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