you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
