did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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