That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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