Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
