Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
