I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
