i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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