Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
