"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize