she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
