one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
