How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
