I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
