glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
