i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
