Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
