There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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