I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
two words: eviction party
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Another day, another engagement, another cat
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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