I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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