I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
