i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
