She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
