so explain again why im purple
no
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
