no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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