Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize