in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
