are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
