dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
