Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
