I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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