I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
